Ups and Downs

August 14, 2011 § Leave a comment

The way the scale keeps going up and down is kind of frustrating. I wish every week it went down, down, down….but I guess that just isn’t always in the cards.¬† Overall, I have lost 5.6 lbs since the end of July when I got on the My Fitness Pal program.

Now that I’ve joined the community there, it’s honestly helped. People comment on my posts and tell me when I’ve done a good job. Trying to lose weight with friends may just be easier. I guess we’ll see what happens.

I also still need to come up with my goals/rewards list so I have things to look forward to other than just fitting into the clothes in my closet that don’t quite fit anymore.

My Fitness Pal

July 29, 2011 § Leave a comment

Okay, I’m trying something new because all my Twitter friends use it. It’s called My Fitness Pal (www.myfitnesspal.com) and is available both online and on my iPhone. I started it this week after my Weight Watchers failures, and this is all I have to say:

Any questions? If I keep seeing progress like this, it may be something I can stick to!

Derailed….AGAIN!

July 25, 2011 § Leave a comment

It seems like every time I start getting on track, something derails me. I get into a habit of eating better and going to the gym, then I end up stuck at work because people call off and have to order out and have no time to work out. Two eight hour mandates in a row meant two quick turn arounds in a row. The house has been out of groceries, but when you can only get 4.5 hours of sleep between shifts at work, going grocery shopping so you can eat healthy food kind of goes by the wayside. So does going to the gym. Even sleeping until the last minute possible after a double shift means I am lucky to get 4.5 hours of sleep. This doesn’t really leave time to cook or to hit the gym. My stupid evil job keeps getting in my way. I don’t know how anyone that does this job can stay on track. Something always ruins even the best laid intentions.

It also doesn’t help that I inhale food and never get full. An entire strombolli in one sitting? No problem. You put food in front of me, I eat it until it is gone. I really don’t know why no matter how much I eat, I never feel satisfied.

Maybe I do need to look into weight loss surgery. If they make my stomach the size of a walnut, that would be all I can eat at a time. My future mother in law had her surgery one week ago, she’s already down 9 pounds and couldn’t be more excited. I’m sinking into this deep depression about my weight (and a multitude of other things) and I’m tired of feeling like I could cry at any moment. I’m so at a loss and feel like I have nowhere to turn.

 

I HATE CAMERAS!

July 20, 2011 § Leave a comment

I never realize just how awful I look until¬† someone catches it with a camera. Let’s look at some great snapshots captured at my fiance’s family reunion this past weekend, shall we?

 

The sad part is that my emotional response to this is to go eat.

Finally, A Loss!

July 17, 2011 § Leave a comment

It’s about time. It’s a lot easier for me to stay on plan when I actually see results. I don’t need a big loss every week, just a loss. None of my measurements changed, but at least a little bit of weight came off. That’s a start.

What’s more shocking is I drank a lot of beer this week, and yesterday ate a lot of junk at hubby’s family reunion. I don’t plan on splurging every week, but it’s good to know that it won’t always completely derail everything.

Time to eat something and go tackle Day 3 of Couch 2 5 K!

Getting Serious…

July 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

My lack of posting here has directly coincided with my lack of tracking my eating and lack of doing any physical activity. I apparently like to pay for a Weight Watchers membership and a gym membership I don’t use when money is tight anyway.

AM I A FREAKIN’ IDIOT? Sometimes I wonder.

In all seriousness – my doctor told me in February he’d see me again in August. He also told me to get my weight and my blood pressure down or else we’d be talking bariatric surgery. Umm, it’s July. I’ve gained weight. My blood pressure is still sky high. Someone please tell me why I just can’t seem to take my body and my health seriously? (Though if you ask my mother, she thinks I should just have the surgery…but that’s a whole different conversation.)

My whole goal was to lose weight so I wasn’t a fat bride. The talk of now probably not having a traditional wedding probably hasn’t helped my efforts (nor has the stress of trying to figure out what our wedding should be with no input from my future husband). Maybe I need another goal. Maybe I need to lose weight just so I’m not a fat person, bride or not.

(Maybe I just need to change the name of the blog and my whole reasoning for wanting to drop the weight? I don’t know.)

Finding the Track….AGAIN

June 19, 2011 § Leave a comment

I wish I had some good explanation for why I so severely keep falling off of the wagon. I can blame work, I can blame being short on money, I can blame my social life. But really, the only thing (or person) to blame is simply myself. I know it’s possible to eat healthy when I’m short on time or money. I also know going to parties doesn’t mean I need to eat one of everything that is on the buffet table. And speaking of being short on money, it would be more helpful to be able to squeeze into last summer’s clothes than have to buy new ones…so I need to get the weight off for that if for nothing else!

In all seriousness, I’m due back at the doctor in August and I was told in February I had to get my weight and blood pressure down or else (he even brought up bariatric surgery and I almost died). It’s now the middle of June and my weight and blood pressure have pretty much stayed the same. If I don’t get this under control, I’m at the very least going to need put on medication for high blood pressure – and that isn’t something I ever imagined having to take at the ripe old age of 27.

I know I won’t ever like dieting, and I know I won’t ever like beating my body up the gym. But you know what I do like? Being alive and being able to do things. I always said I would never hover near that 260 mark again, and I have now for quite a long time. Hell, I said I’d never weigh over 200 again when I finally broke that milestone two years ago. I need to figure out why no matter how much I eat, I never get full. I don’t know if its because I’m used to eating so much, or because there is something more sinister going on (my best friend suggested I see an endocrinologist because I may have metabolic syndrome).

I just know I have to do something. I hate feeling like a failure (and I hate having a closet full of cute clothes I can’t fit my fat ass into).